Weight part 1

So, I have struggled with my weight for my entire life it feels- in my memory I was always a little bigger than others, except when I was a baby maybe…I always had a little tummy- oh its just puppy fat, you will grow out of it! Except, I would have had to grow to about 10ft tall to have been in proportion by the time I was in my 20’s. I remember very distinctly when I was 11, we went to Florida for the first time, I wasn’t fat per se, but I was soft, and on the first day I ended up with horrid chaffeing on my thighs and it really put a downer on the holiday.

I don’t remember ever being comfortable in my body, it feels as though we have been at war for so long. I remember trying the Atkins diet with my mum and stepdad when I was around 13/14, trying weight watchers by 15 and all sorts of other diets from then until now. None of these things ever helped me, and I feel that they in fact increased my very unhealthy relationship with food. I lived between my parents and they were both very different in the way they treated food. My mum didn’t believe in restrictions or not having certain foods, my stepdad cooked well and we always had access to sweets and chocolates, I would get pudding but had to eat all my dinner first. My dad was very much a ‘we don’t have that crap in this house’ kinda guy, my stepmum is an amazing cook and would make great meals. It was at my dad’s house I first started to secret eat. I would buy crap and eat it in secret then hide away any evidence, I did this from a young age- definately early teens until mid way through my 20’s. Though it wasn’t always a secret and I would definately binge eat too. I spent a lot of time with my grandma when I was growing up, and she would always give me the biscuit tin with my cup of tea and she would allow me to have as many biscuits as I wanted, it was always a lot. I do not blame my family for my poor eating habits, but feel that I was confused about the role of food and treats and always having to eat until over full to fit in a pudding, food was a source of comfort and pleasure, it didn’t judge or make rules and it made me feel happy. I have over eaten for as long as I can remember, always eating until it was uncomfortable, doesn’t matter how big a portion, I would eat it!

I was planning on writing more, but to be honest, this has made me feel quite vulnerable and emotional! I am rarely honest about my eating with anyone, I accept I am fat and do not pretend that I don’t know why. I understand exactly why, I understand how to lose weight but the brain battle and habits are so entrenched and fixed, it is very hard to move forward. Bear with me, I am hoping that by allowing my brain to fart all this stuff, I can help to get it on my side 🙂

Jodie

Author: aimingforthegoodlife

I am a 32 year old who is trying to find the balance, of only living once, and not wanting to be in debt forever! I do struggle with materialism, and love holidays and adventuring! This blog will be a bit money saving here, spendy spendy there I think! Looking for the perfect balance!

2 thoughts on “Weight part 1”

  1. Jodie, I wonder if you’ve ever thought of life coaching. I belong to Natalie Bacon’s Grow You program. She would say that losing weight is about changing your thoughts about food and eating, a point which you seem to agree with. Grow You can be purchased on an annual or a monthly basis. For one month it is about £62. There are various coaching activities going on each month, but she also has bonus courses free to members. One of those is called ‘Change Your Eating Habits Forever’. It is a series of videos. Just wondered whether it’s worth having a look before you spend thousands on surgery. You could sign up for one month and do the eating habits course. You can also get coaching via email, live question and answer sessions and live virtual face to face coaching sessions.

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    1. Hi Sam, thank you for the info I will have a look over! I am part of a weight loss service given via the NHS too, but with Covid everything is so far behind and support has been minimal. Hoping it will improve soon!

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