So, if anyone has been on tenter hooks waiting to hear from me about my surgery, it was cancelled. Unfortunately, covid 19 came to my work and we lost a few lovely old folks- who were end of life which is why they were with us, and about 21 of the staff team tested positive including me! I had felt some cold like symptoms- sneezing, snotty nose and my chest felt a little off, not unusual for an asthamtic in Winter. Anyway, I was self isolating on my lead up to surgery, following the Liver Reduction Diet and generally psyching myself up, went for the covid test and blood test on the Wednesday, got a call on Thursday saying I was positive for covid and surgery was cancelled for Saturday. Called work then booked myself and husband for another test as I was convinced it must be a false positive, it wasn’t! But hubby was negative and no symtoms of any kind which was good, so after already isolating for 12days, we then had to really isolate for another 10. I am lucky to get paid as I work in health care, hubby didn’t but managed to move some annual leave around to help him out. We are not eligible for any assistance as we earn too much- which isn’t actually a lot! I was on a total rollercoaster of emotions for next few days, angry, upset, frustrated, depressed, hopeless, glad, happy etc. After the weekend, I did start to even out again, the Saturday which was meant to be operation day was the worst emotion wise, I felt like a complete failure, I couldn’t even get surgery right.
Long story short, what I took from the LRD and lead up from the 1st Jan was that I had actually lost weight, I had walked a lot on LRD- completely on my own and in quiet isolated areas so no risk to anyone before I knew I was positive-so it proved my body was capable of so much more than I had ever realised. By the end of Jan I had lost 1stone 7pounds and was very curious about how I had done this! That month, we had one take away pizza on the day I found out I had covid, it was sooo good, and I drank one bottle of wine on the 31st Jan. I had no interest in chocolate and things were great, I was also off work for most of the month and this set me up well. Once I was back in work and trying to figure out eating, managing emotions and the usual crap thats difficult for those of us with weight issues I hit a plateau. Instead of my usual reaction of exclaiming I had failed yet again and was clearly a complete waste of space, I read about plateaus and wondered with myself if that might be why I had infact appeared to have gained two pounds yet knew I was calorie counting well. I stuck with it and the following week I lost the two gained pounds, plus another one! Over Feb I lost 5 and a half pounds. My exercise/walking went to pot in Feb, a mix of tiredness back in work, struggles with eating, feeling overwhelmed at times and general life made it a very tricky month. So, I decided that for March I wouldn’t focus on a weight loss goal, but a physical movement goal, so I decided to set myself a goal of 11k steps a day for the entire month. This has been the push I needed to get myself moving again and I have done some great walks and at 19 days in have done at least 11k steps every day! I am very proud of myself! Eating is still a massive issue and some days I am winning and others I am doing my best.
I feel I am learning lots of things about myself that I never knew before, I feel that some skills I couldn’t grasp before are starting to make sense and my ability to use those skills is improving. I am trying to just be curious, nothing is black and white, I am constantly learning and educating myself around weight management. I have ruled out bariatric surgery, but not the gastric balloon which would assist me with portion control and they have a substantial supportive 18month psychological program as well. As it stands I have lost 2stone 3pounds to date, I have never lost this much weight before! I am giving myself until my birthday doing it this way and then will revisit the balloon. Currently I am using my fitness pal to work towards a calorie deficit, continuing with DBT, reading books like Dr Chatterjee Lose Weight Feel Great and still speaking to fitness lady from the NHS!
Stay safe everyone!